Minneapolis-St. Paul airport hates foxes. Kind of a harsh move but I suppose that a plane hitting one and careening off of the runway isn't ideal either.

These past couple of weeks have proven that getting a Go-To card was a good choice - I've done 2 overnights in this time and both times I came out and my van wouldn't start. I'm not sure what's happening - I have a locked gas cap, although it's cheap - maybe someone has a matching key and is siphoning gas... The last time it started after some more gas was added - my gauge doesn't work so I estimate gas by keeping track of the miles - this seems to be slightly inaccurate now due to the ice and snow.
I don't mind bussing, in fact, the last time I had to do it after working (the evening after Christmas Day), it was nice to go out into the crisp, sunny morning and not have to rush around to get home or to my day job. The shelter volunteer room gets kind of hot and stuffy overnight. Also, just being in the building for that long wears you out a bit.

Another common theme lately is verbal confrontations in the evenings - last week it revolved around race. Last night, it was a variety of things - I got a knock on the door around 11:30 or so to come intervene on a confrontation. I was able to pull the involved parties into the hall to figure out what was going on. There was lots of huffing and chest puffing. As things began to escalate highly again, I surveyed my position in accordance to the gents that would be throwing fists and realized that I would most likely be in the line of fire if it came to blows - I was backed against a wall with both of them directly in front of me. My only escape route if things went sour was into the men's bathroom! Ack! That being said, there were at least 3 other men within arms length that were there to step in and help if the situation blew up too much. But still. Next time I will have to be more aware of where I stand.
While trying to de-escalate the remaining party after the other person yielded and went to his bunk, things came out of my mouth that I don't even know where it came from!! I guess some of it was instinct, some was training and some was almost mothering type of guidance. Ultimately, the words from a fellow guest were what got the man to settle down and go lie down, in a different bunk (I gave him 3 options: Leave for the evening, Relocate to a different bed for the night, or come sit, talk and settle down and go back to his original bed).
In the end, it was a good learning experience although it took much longer to diffuse the situation than I would have liked (it seemed like a half an hour). I would rather these incidents not happen but the combinations of stress, mental illness, street mentality, group living and whatever else factors in kind of makes it inevitable. Just as it was at the group home I worked in before - drama just happens.

I'm kind of spent though - I worked my 8 hours yesterday, went home for about 45 minutes, got to the shelter at 5 and slept from a little past Midnight (because of the above) to 4:30 am (early worker had to be up - my alarm was set for 3:58pm though and he knocked to get cereal and lunch - I should have been up at 4am to wake him! Gah!), went out this morning to a non-functional van and walked/bussed to my day job to get started again at 8am.

I am going to bed early tonight!

Wahhs of the day

First Wahhh:
I'm slightly aggro that there is no coffee shop within walking distance of work. In fact, the closest one is probably 10+ blocks away! I am in a gentrification free zone (which is a good thing otherwise) between Uptown and Powderhorn where there a lot of Latino restuarants, fast food joints and random stores but no coffee shop.

What is the world coming to??! Some days, I just want to run out and pick up some good coffee or an Americano, jeesh!

Second Wahhh:
The thick slippery cruddy ice can go now. It's putting a cramp in my alternative transportation plans and making me walk funny. It's also making me fret about the old man we have in shelter right now that walks with a walker because of a leg issue. How can he walk on this stuff AND navigate his walker around the big snow chunks and icy spots??

File under: Now that's Dedication!

Last night as I was headed home after work (x2), I was driving East on Franklin trying to navigate the snowy roads, no lane in sight. Very few people on the street, but as I always do through there, I was peering out at who WAS there trying to see if any of them were guys that may have stayed at the shelter. I got a little past Chicago and see some young hipster looking chap trodding through the snow carrying a case of Black Label. I wondered to myself if he had just walked all the way from Zipps, a store probably 10+ blocks from where he was at that point. The only other thoughts were that he had rode the bus half way and walked the rest or that he bailed on a party and took his booze with him.

Either way, it takes dedication to take your case of Black Label for a walk at 10:30 at night in the middle of a major winter snowstorm!

It's that time of year again!

The 2010 Art Sled Rally will be held at 3pm on Jan. 30th on the West side of Powderhorn Park.

Don't miss out!

Apparently no one is working today...I've already been forwarded 2 joke/fun e-mails this morning and it's not even 9! And I'm sitting here blogging about it!

Just as I was wrapping up to leave the shelter last night, as in 10:04 or something, I get a report of a man down. Upon my investigation, I found a young guy lying on the floor, balled up, kind of rolling back and forth and groaning. Hmm. He had been vomiting and the cold floor felt better to him. He declined any help - ambulance, water, cold rag for his face. I kind of felt helpless at that point.
I filled in the 2 overnight volunteers of the situation and one of them was able to convince E to take a glass of water and a puke bucket. Hopefully all was well the rest of the night.

Other good things:

• Becoming reaquainted with Oregon Trail, ver. 5 in this case. Yay for pirated games!
• Wrapping x-mas gifts for the shelter guests and program clients at the women's shelter - I get the joy of giving without emptying my already empty wallet. Plans to donate $50 to the shelter I worked at back home to be used for gas cards had to be dismissed due to low funds after the big vet visit with Pepper. Looking ahead, I was considering how much it would cost (total) to buy each guy at the men's shelter a ticket to the Riverview ($2 theatre) but then I wondered if they would use them as the theatre is quite far to walk to and they don't get bus fare often. It probably sounds like a better idea than it is...
• My new budget diet. I already feel better with less food! Minus all of the x-mas cookies my boss has been sharing and the leftover Halloween candy donated by the dentist buyback after Halloween program we have stashed down here. Gah!

I was able to get started on my first Shelter Advocate training shift last night. It was nothing major - just headed over to the lottery to learn the details (I was aware of the general process and idea, having attended before). This included breathalizing - this was my first time doing this but there wasn't too much to mess up thankfully. Aside from a couple of resistant men (to the breathalizer idea), it went smoothly.

Tonight and tomorrow I'm putting in 2 more 5 hour training shifts. I am pretty confident about the job overall although the new position jitters are there anyway - that's just me. The only other bummer is that I still have to work 8 hours prior to going in to fulfill my 5 hours. Having done it many times before, I know how to handle it but I also know that there will be times that it will catch up to me.

All in all, I am very excited about my new beginning and beyond. Knowing how many job seekers are out there, I know how lucky I am to be given this opportunity. I've worked hard for the past year and a half to try to find something in the field, even before the cafe closed and I lost my job, I was applying to anything that sounded like a good fit. I really fought settling for something that was going to derail my career path knowing how tight the market is. Patience has paid off (although, typical me, I was so happy to be offered the position, I actually didn't ASK about the pay but I'm not worried - I'll make it work one way or another).

I've come to realize that some of my failings at stretching the bucks has to do with my lack of expertise at cooking meals that one would want to eat, on less. Anyone can make spagetti but do you want to eat it everyday? Well, I don't.

My recent discovery of one of the miracles of cheap eats: Spring Rolls
Who knew that they were so cheap AND easy to make?! Probably everyone but me actually, but that's okay. Life is my school and I've done learned.

In an effort to ramp up my biking and to stretch my post-christmas gift shopping bucks, I rode in this morning. It was a slow trip and the road was still to "bumpy" with snow lumps for my comfort. Having nearly bit it before I even left view of my driveway, I wondered to myself whether or not the Surly would be as trusty a winter ride as my old Uno was. I really, really wish I had of held off and not sold that bike - I miss it like the dickens. I'm thinking that the upright North Road bars create too much play in my steering therefore increasing the chance I might hit the road - literally. Possibly after the holiday season passes I will switch out the bars, I've been back and forth so much about it, I need to just make a decision already.

All this being said, my time is just about to become very limited and I foresee driving to remain the dominent force for a while potentially. In addition to my 38 hour work week as an office dweeb at the women's shelter, I start classes again on January 11th and am supposed to begin a part-time night job at "the men's shelter of my choice" any day now - those will take up every Mon-Thurs and every other Friday in addition to an afternoon Saturday class. While I will probably want to pull my hair out, it will all pay off in the end.

I interviewed at one of the other small shelters last week but an offer came in at my 1st choice and it's more hours (also, I don't have to do laundry and would have had to at the "other place" - insert fist pumping into air!!).

The dog decided to be a pain in my arse and have gastrointestinal problems the day before our Michigan trip last week - that set me back $190 and make the x-mas gifts more sparse...

A virtual blizzard also cancelled plans concurrently. Oh well, if I don't go before I start school, I guess March is the next best time although I suppose I could miss one week's worth of classes to go home if I wanted to.

In other news, I'm officially an old lady now. I've had a secret O magazine thing for a while but never have bought one, I just read them when I run across one. Well, now, I've scored a $5 subscription via Amazon and my SIL gave it to me for a gift. Now I can't deny my transformation into little-ol-lady-hey-who! as Ariana would say.

Okay, time to bundle up and ride the lumpy roads...

Beautiful photo essay (with audio snippets of interviews and neighborhood noise) of the Park Slope Neighborhood in NYC - a friend posted it on lj, I had to share it.

Good things:

- Ariana made Spring Rolls last night. And she's fast at it. I think she whipped up 10 or so. Soo good. I couldn't stop eating them, dipped in chili paste and soy sauce alternately. My lips were still burning today.

- My newest project at work - compiling resources for our new Resource Counselor Center. I loooveee gathering up information for services. Hennepin County has so much to offer people in regards to social services, free events, assistance to get back on your feet, etc...
When I moved here, I was used to no services. When I was pregnant, I slept on an air mattress that would deflate overnight, towards the end, I had to roll off in the morning. Once Ariana was born, we had no way to move our real mattress out here and due to an layoff, we couldn't afford to buy a replacement. We all slept on blankets stacked on the floor, baby included. If I had of known of Bridging back then, or felt that we qualified, I could have tried to get a referral there. It took us a while to build up furniture (I suppose we could have charged some but back then I was afraid to use the credit card, I didn't want to have debt - SMART!) so in the meantime, we sat on camp chairs, the ones that fold up and tuck into little bags. Eventually we found a tv stand at the side of our complex's dumpster. Next came a cool lamp (which I still hold dear) and drafting table (sadly, I tossed it during the split) that the guys upstairs from us had left behind - at that point we were caretakers and had to do "turns" when tenants left, that included cleaning up their mess as well.

- Pineda Tacos! I had a chance to scout out the original Pineda - it is within walking/biking distance of my work. I have to stick close due to a short lunch (30 mins) and it's mostly fast food junk super close. I'm happy to see I can zip over to Pineda for some real food.

Man. I have to applaud my nearby Marathon for a cheap post-brunch snack attack today - I got a can of coke, a cheese stick, a pack of dark chocolate m & m's and a 8 pack of Keebler "Toast & Peanut Butter" sandwich crackers all for $3.10.

That being said, while it's good for my money diet, I'm not so sure about my body diet. But considering the other foodstuffs I was sitting here fantasing about while working, I think it's much less calories.

Plus I needed to get out and get some fresh air. Sitting in this basement for 8 hours can start to wear me down. My boss hasn't been in since last Tuesday so it's beginning to feel like I've been abandoned.

Bummin.

The little lady and I set off to bike down to Whole Foods (we chose this store so we could get some mileage in...and the samples didn't hurt either) this afternoon - right before we left I created a new playlist for my iHome bike speaker dealio. I loaded onto my ipod and set off down the stairs. I popped it in. Nothing. I changed the batteries just in case that was the problem. Nothing. Now I was grumpy. I stomped upstairs and tossed it down and we left.

When I got back, it was determined not to turn on. So...I prepared to toss it but held off. I was lucky enough to find it on clearance for 20.00 when I got it so I'm not out a bunch but now I am debating whether or not to try another one. The CyFi is too expensive for me but I would hate to buy another iHome and have a duplicate experience.

ETA: Hold the presses! I just went downstairs and gave it another whirl - it took a minute but we got power! Hopefully whatever was causing the issue is done causing it for now. I want my tunes!

As Kurtis Blow would say "These are The Breaks!"

I'm also in the market for some quality panniers. I prefer handmade, specifically the Queen Bee ones but the price for one is the same as a set at Black Star Bags. I'm getting to the point where I am sick of hauling by bag around on my back for quick jaunts or as today panned out - carrying a load in my bag when I could just stuff it into a pannier. I had coffee, a bag of Timothy hay and a bag of food for the G. Pig, 2 kryptonite bike locks (one for me, one for Ana), a bottle of water and other debris that hangs out in my bag at all times (armwarmers, wallet, compact bike pump, bike tool, tail light, notepad, junk, junk, junk) and once we pulled in at home, I popped my bag off and felt pinching in my back. Clearly my lifestyle since I've procured this van has caused my back to weaken and feel old.

While seeking out the perfect panniers, I stumbled across this beaut of a front crate for hauling items, including drink holders for coffee, for example. I'm already halfway there with my CETMA rack, although I have yet to install it (I was going to leave that to the pros, I have my reason but don't feel like explaining).

Either way, it's all window shopping right now. Things are still tight and our upcoming trip back to MI will need a little funding as well.
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I did 2 overnights at the shelter this week and found that I feel like I really want to start doing one shift every week or as close to it as possible. It's so much easier to be there and hang when you "know" the guys that you're working with.

I find their stories amazing...for example, I sat with a guy Friday night who had been attending film production school - he pulled out his laptop and showed me some of his work and his software that creates stop action animation and other things (like the menu page of a dvd, for example). He was halfway through his program with no degree yet. I'm unsure of what drove him here from LA and why he didn't finish his program, he didn't tell me and I didn't ask, it's not my place to necessarily. I worry about his laptop being stolen and therefore all of his work and tools to do work...

Another guy stopped in early Saturday morning as everyone was gearing up to leave for the day (they have to be out by 7am). We were talking about his ipod which turned into him telling me about his story - abandoned in the hospital as a baby, grew up in S. Central LA in foster care, finally was adopted, always did really well in school, got a scholarship which he went to University with but didn't finish due to bad choices, eventually got an attempted murder charge (plus others prior to dealing with weapons, drugs, etc..) and spent 15 years in a TN prison. He's been out for 8 months and trying to find work...not likely to happen unless he can find someone that isn't going to do a background check or someone that is willing to work with his past (he has had a few opportunities, one that is a company that will given ex-offenders a chance to work and to prove themselves).

When given this information, I often don't know what to say, what the person is looking for from me - help? just a listening ear to vent to?

It's giving me the interpersonal skills to simply listen and not try to offer advice or fixes to their problems. I will give resources to community services and offer up supportive words and things for them to ponder (as needed) but try to just be there for them as a shoulder to lean on if they want it. A lot of the men never open up. There are a bunch that I would like to know their story but don't feel comfortable asking if they haven't offered up an background information. I'm not an advocate by job title so it isn't my "need to know".

This week I applied at another shelter that is in our system of private shelters, they need someone to work about 10 hours a week split between 2 shifts. The pay isn't great (9/hr) but it would supplement my full time job and give me something as my temporary position ends in April. It also gives me more on the job experience which I know is valuable to finding my permanent career position in the upcoming months/years.

It Blech Friday! And...I'm at work. Which is only bothersome because I am one of very few here today not because I'm missing out on anything (besides sleeping in). It's lonely.

On the other hand, I can crank up MPR and not worry about bothering anyone.

Couple of things coming up:

• December 4 & 5 - No Coast Craft-o-rama at the Midtown Market - check out artists like Adam Turman, Amy Rice, Grovecraft, and Miss AmyJo in particular. Good stuff.
• December 17th - 2009 Homeless March and Service - honoring the lives of members of the homeless community who died in 2009.
• Possibly only relevant to me but new episodes of Intervention and Hoarders this Monday! I'm dorking on out tv for the next 5 months, that is, until my 29.99 deal is over which also happens to coincide with the beginning of Spring so TV takes a backseat anyway.

WARNING: CRITICAL THOUGHTS BELOW...

If it weren't enough to have to listen as my boss fielded calls all, and turned down, week from people wanting to come to the family shelter to volunteer on Thanksgiving...

I worked overnight at the Men's shelter last night - we allowed the guys to sit up 'til midnight to watch a movie. My 'partner' and I were exhausted and we literally counting down the minutes to Midnight (2 minutes to Miiiiddddnight!, sorry, had to do it). She went ahead and started to lie down, I went to shoo everyone out of the den and shut down and lock up the room. Just as soon as I got into the volunteer 'bedroom' and began to sit down...the phone rang.

On the other end was an old lady, she wanted to bring food on Thanksgiving, food being sweet potatoes. She stated that she had made too many and wanted to bring them somewhere. I tried to be patient as she rambled on about this. She wanted to bring them between noon and 2 or something, which is impossible as no one is at the shelter until 3pm. So I let her know that but suggested that she could try to bring it to the school a few buildings down as they were opening it up for the day so people would have a place to go (since the city shuts down on holidays, homeless folks have no where to hang out or get business done). She then wanted phone numbers for the group handling that, which I didn't have. This led to more rambling on her part - she was coming into Mpls from Blaine and didn't want to drive over to the school if they couldn't take it but I couldn't guarentee that the could or would take it. Finally, I suggested that she call around 7am and talk to my boss and maybe he could tell her more. Gah! She had good intentions but calling somewhere at Midnight to discuss them was kind of not good.

This morning, as the meal group got their breakfast started, the fire alarm started squealing. No one knew how to turn it off, I couldn't find a notation anywhere about how to turn it off. The 1st call matainance man wouldn't answer his phone but luckily the 2nd guy did. After a half and hour or more of the extremely loud alarm blaring, a simple push of a button disarmed it. Yes! Unfortunatlely, it was a shocking wake up call for the guys, who were incidently supposed to be able to sleep in until 7am this morning (the alarm started around 6:15am).

So to wrap up:

Volunteering and donating the other 362 days a year = good

Volunteering and donating only on Thanksgiving, xmas and Easter = not as helpful to bombard agencies with offers though the thought is still appreciated (although my personal thought is that it seems a little artificial and insincere to only want to help on holidays)

Ariana and I have started a thing where each time we go to Target, we check the men's clearance for socks and undies and pick them up as they are on sale or clearance - otherwise we try to bring something at least once a month if not each time I volunteer/work (about 2 x a month). Donating to the men's shelter isn't as sexy to the general public as donating to other shelters, that's fine, I do understand. Believe me, I've gone through all the thoughts and judgements and annoyances over the years. I am trying to wean that out of me and just think about their basic needs as humans, even if they didn't always make great choices throughout life possibly, they still have time for a 2nd chance. And not all of them even fall under that catagory, it really runs the gamet.

Anyway, if people that liked to donate or volunteer just picked up one thing each trip and brought it somewhere, the basic needs like undies/socks/deodorant/tampons/etc... would stay better stocked.

Did you know that most food shelves don't carry feminine hygiene products? When the cafe closed this past year and I lost my job and was waiting on unemployment and such, that was a problem for me, with no cash it was hard to get this basic need. I mean, I don't like bleeding anyway but damn, it happens whether you have money to take care of it or not. Anyway, I will stop talking about that now and go take the dog out...

I read an article last week in the Southwest Journal that discussed the proposed East/West Light Rail transit line that would incidently run through more uppity areas of SW Minneapolis.

Opponents are off the hook: "Still, concerns remain. At least one opponent of the Kenilworth route is prepared to take legal action if not enough is done to protect residents and city amenities along the future transit corridor." and further down: "He said a “coalition of interested neighbors” was prepared to file a court challenge if they believe plans for mitigation efforts fall short. They’ve already consulted with attorneys representing the University of Minnesota in a lawsuit over the Central Corridor light rail line down University Avenue."

My take on it? A bunch of rich babies who don't want people that might not be like them in their neighborhoods. Selfish, selfish people. Nevermind that this transit line can provide people with an opportunity to get to jobs in the outer Metro without having to sit on a bus for an hour then try to walk or bike an additional amount through the very pedestrian/cyclist unfriendly suburbs.

I get that people will be inconvienced during construction and that it will affect some neighborhoods and they will have to adapt to change. But it is for the greater good in many ways. And the larger point is that no one goes as far to threaten to sue when these types of projects are proposed in weaker, low-income neighborhoods. Some of these same types of people can drive through and buy their drugs and pick up prostitutes and shit on our neighborhoods then go home to their cushy homes but god forbid someone try to make transit easier for people who can't own cars, choose not to own cars and want to see a healthier city.

It's the NOT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD syndrome through and through.

Winter (in theory) dorkout

Movies I'm looking forward to seeing:
- Precious
- Whip It!
- Brothers
- The Road

It's been a weekend of feeling meloncholy mixed with a lot of distaste for people in public places.

Everything was triggered by something else but I suppose that it is just unleashing things I was already bottling up. At least the meloncholy part anyway. I've never been a big fan of being in crowds in public, the rudeness and the attitudes (such as a woman in IKEA running into Ariana and not even acknowledging the situation and apologizing, I feel pretty confident that she would expect an apology if the situation was reverse) so that's where the distaste for people is coming in - it was prompted by much more than that simple scenario but that is just one reason this weekend brought it on. I guess most trips to IKEA trigger it as people tend to lose their minds and common sense once they step into that store.

The meloncholy was brought on by my own feelings of inadequacy that I fight everyday - seeing an amazing (seeming) woman at the store, knowing that I could never look that hot and even if I tried I would probably come off wrong and look awkward and stupid. I never feel like a "WOMAN" in the true sense of the word. I just feel blank, boring, boy-ish and not amazing. I had a spell in my life where I felt pretty cute and desirable but that got beat out of me before long (almost literally). I think I've spent the past 3 years talking people out of feeling anything for me and convincing them that they don't want to really be with me (because I think that's a fact) -it's not really an issue anymore but I still think about it. I wish I wouldn't have dated at all - It was a silly idea and plan, because I was a single mom and because I was living paycheck to paycheck, an issue for most even if they don't like to admit it (because it makes them look like a jerk and/or superficial). And none of them wanted to be serious, why did I waste their time or mine? Well, there were 3 that I didn't let go anywhere, for their sake. I know that I'm not what they wanted and didn't want to go there.
These days, a lot of my mixed emotions has to do with aging - for the first time in my life, the past 2-3 years, I am showing my age - my weight has gone up since I got a car and my clothes either don't fit or fit cruddy - the first thing I am doing at the beginning of the semester is getting a student membership at the Y. I have found a great route to my job so I am biking multiple times a week (wish I could say everyday like in the past but sometimes I need to swing by somewhere on the way home or have an appointment on the other side of town and it would just take too long via bike). I'm trying to be more mom-like, minus the mom jeans so that keeps me home and not out trying to be social. Even when I have gone out, there seems to be a whole new crowd, always younger. Or if they are transplants, they've already befriended everyone and I am still on the outskirts of the crowd I have "known" for years now. Never really being friends in the true sense of the word as I only got out even back in my heyday every once in a while (except for when I was spending time at the Bat Annex and Mala and Britta was in town) and when I did, I was home early or ended up overdoing it due to anxiety and just having a low tolerance. Classy.
Anway, a show I have taken to, TOUGH LOVE, is in it's 2nd season (tonight is a new episode!) and I can see myself in so many of those women. It's good for me to watch and take it all in. That being said, the demographic of men they feature is quite a bit different than someone I would be into. But again, it's not an issue now but just on my mind.

Watching "500 Days of Summer" brought on feelings that I haven't thought about in a while - The story line reminded me of myself a couple of years back with someone who incidently friended me (accidental or not) on facebook the same morning I watched that sappy movie. I had no idea what the movie was about - sappy or not. It made me feel sappy and sad and annoyed with myself. It's not a big deal but I'm just feeling edgy. But sure as the sun will rise, it will pass as well. I just wish it would hurry up.

As with most things in my life, I have learned to push things back/ignore them when I can't obtain them. I've recently been on a kick to buy a house while the $8000 tax credit deal is going, 2 people close to me have already done it (one a couple and one single mom) but as time moves forward, I don't know if it's a good idea. I mean, I would want to be able to have some savings to fix it up and get the nice things I want such as those classy stainless steel appliances, for example. I am also a commitment-phobe so not having a house to fool with makes relocating someday more of a breeze. See how easy it is to squash those ideas! I moped for a few weeks trying to figure out if I should try for it and now I'm over it and am not going to let not getting a house bother me to the point of being upset any more. It can just be something to look forward to in the future. By then, I should have a good wage coming in and be able to get something that we can be happy with long term.

Now on to other things that are keeping me happy:

- planning an Amtrak/car rental trip to the Pacific Northwest this Spring. I can't eff'n wait!!!

- Getting back to school in Jan after a semester and a summer off. Almost done in community college!!

- This neverending beautiful fall! I mean, who even needs a coat with weather like this?? Hopefully it's not a horrible global warming issue that is giving us this wealth of great weather...

• Who would have thought I'd be riding to work in a short sleeve shirt and hoodie at the end of November. I want to use those bargin Merino woolies that I got!!
• Burning question of the moment: How the hell do people get the nickname "Peg" or "Peggy" out of Margaret???!!! I don't understand why generations have continued this phenomena...
• A few more weeks and we'll be Michigan bound. It's been a couple of years since I've drove back. The Amtrak has been nice although it doesn't allow me to clear my storage unit out (one of my goals this time). If I can get that stuff all donated or brought back here I will save $40 a month ($50 if I'm late, which I am about every 4-6 months). Imagine how much I've spent on it since 2006-2007! Actually, I would rather not know, it pains me to think about it...

I kind of want to move to Detroit.

Pros:

- I would be within an hour and a half drive of "home".
- I could proceed into a Master of Social Work program at Wayne State.
- Trumbullplex - hosts many bands I would be delighted to see.
- Getting to New York state or Canada would be faster - if we wanted to do so.
- Ditto for urban Ohio.
- Ummm... supposedly there is a cool tile factory/museum and a huge bookstore there.
- The Magic Stick occasionally has some okay bands.
- Cheap rents. I'm also guessing that most landlords don't give a shit what you do as long as you're not trashing the place. I hear of lots of urban farming going on there - perfect for my dream of owning chickens and making raised beds to grow food on.
- The Heidelberg Project.
- The gritty urban feel I like about a place.

Cons:

- I would get homesick for Minneapolis probably within 6 months.
- The public school system most likely is in a state of disarray, knowing Michigan and I'm not so sure that I would want my daughter to attend there without knowing more.
- It's not called the Murder City for no reason...and apparently, after reading this article about a man found dead frozen in ice and attempts to call for help going unresponded to, I am a bit dismayed by their social servants behaviors.
- Finding a job in that state is like hunting unicorns.

The Rule of Six:

While assisting with a training session at work this weekend, I was asked to re-type a handout on something called The Rule of Six. I found it to be a great reminder of how to work towards being non-judgemental to people whose personal life situations you aren't privy to. How to treat people with kindness regardless.

The concept is this:

Notice the man stumbling down Franklin Ave, yelling at anyone who happens to pass him, drunk out of his gourd. He's dirty and most likely slept outside last night. A situation I have been in many times actually.

Before we assume we know what his situation is, we need to consider at LEAST six reasons he might be where he is right at that moment.

In this scenerio, my six:

1. He just broke up with a partner and went on a bender, passed out outdoors. Angry at the world and wants to tell everyone who will listen.
2. He has struggled throughout his life with alcoholism and continues to.
3. His friends stranded him at the bar, he had to walk home and is angry and wants to tell the world. He's fallen once or twice on that walk and got dirty.
4. He doesn't drink often and went a little overboard. He is now trying to get home, drunk out of his gourd. He has Tourettes
5. Mentally Ill and homeless, shared a bottle with some street friends. Talks aloud because of his disease.
6. College kid who binge drinks. He and his girlfriend fought at a party that night. He is walking back home angry.

Obviously, this is only the surface reasons. The person could have a history of being beaten as a child, molested, neglect. His parents could have allowed him to ingest alcohol from a young age and it's led to this. He could have had a Traumatic Brain Injury and now can't work. Etc...

I want to remember this as I am passing the travelling kids I vented about in a previous post. They could be coming from homes they can't return to. They could have fled abuse and neglect. Assuming a one size fits all judgement isn't fair. This is why I choose to challenge myself. I chose to work with the Men's Shelter to learn, to challenge myself - I don't understand men well, I don't have a good exposure to men and want to learn to not be intimidated by them, not to judge and treat them as harshly as I tend to do. To understand that they can have emotional sides and to treat them accordingly.

The other night, I shared with C my surprise at observing the men at the shelter interact. I had envisioned fights, macho posturing and roughness. Once the guys get in, most of them become softer and they know how to compromise and share the space no matter how uncomfortable it can get sometimes. I've had many of them really open up to me and share their emotions about being homeless, about their past and where they are going. All I can do is listen and encourage them to stay on track. I know the temptations of the street can be tough to avoid and trouble lurks around many corners for these guys. Many of them are recovering from prison stay or felonies from less than 7 years ago, to get in trouble again would be a big blow. Some of them haven't gotten their GEDs yet and that saddens me - it limits their ability to go to college or apply to most jobs. I think it bothers me most because I can't just do it for them like I could a resume, they have to be the ones that study, that follow through on test day and hopefully pass the test.

Anyway, The Rule of Six. Remember that.

File under awkward:

So...in an attempt to fulfill my final array of courses at the community college and prepare to transfer into my final school, I was searching for a 2 credit course - I stumbled upon an Accordian lesson "course" that would fulfill one area of general requirements. Hey! I have an accordian that I haven't learned to play yet and here was a perfect opportunity!

Per the instructions on the course listing, I called the person listed as the instructor to find out if I could register then arrange for our weekly meeting time.

A woman answered. I asked for L, the gentleman listed. At first she couldn't hear me so I repeated the name, she replied "Well that's impossible." Pause. Okay... She then asked me something along the lines of what did I want or whatnot. I stated that I was on the MCTC website trying to register for this accordian class and it instructed me to call this number and speak to L. She replies "He died in September!" Oh. I just said "I apologize" and we wrapped up the call quickly.

I immediately called the school and let them know what had happened and that the site obviously needed to be updated.

That whole situation sucked in so many ways.

In the "who needs food when you've got coffee" file:
I've scored a long coveted This American Life mug! Something one can only obtain through public radio pledge/membership drives... Some soul left it behind in our lonely basement staff kitchen. One man's trash is another man's treasure!

I rode in for the first time since starting my new job. It's a quick jaunt down 31st Street - I made it a lot faster than I had expected. I still haven't located a bike rack here around the building, seems odd but I suppose they aren't required. We're directly across the street from the cop shop though so I feel pretty okay about parking on the corner pole.

I literally haven't rode since maybe late August, MAYBE early September. I just wasn't in the mood. I hated my old route to St. Stephen's and my bars were annoying me. I am pretty sure that I am going back to drop bars soon. The cruiser bars are okay, but I feel kind of vulnerable riding busy streets with them. I am sitting up and can't go as fast. Maybe I am just perceiving it that way but it does feel less efficient.

• I'm on a kick to cut down on my cussing. Don't really have anyone to impress but I suppose it isn't very becoming. Besides, I've caught myself doing it a few times while joking around with the guys at the shelter. Probably not ideal.
• I've been really disappointed with the lack of All Ages shows here in the last year or so. One of the reasons I chose to raise my daughter here was because there was the opportunity to enjoy great bands live, for all ages. That being said, I have missed lots of shows that were AA so I guess I can't be too outraged. Notably, your band H. We really do want to see you but can't seem to get motivated on the nights you have done AA shows.
• Edited to remove personal stuff - I forgot that I wasn't going to go on too deeply here...
• The good thing about feeling isolated when you live in a small town or the country is that you kind of actually are. The bad thing about feeling it when you live in the city is that is just reminds you that you have no friends/no one likes hanging out with you/whatever else this means. At least in the country/small town you can blame it on the culture of the area.

This Friday, I was filling in at the reception desk for the administrative office of my new gig. I happend to be looking outside as one of the people I directly report to pulled in for the day. She was driving a shiny brand new looking Mercedes SUV thing. All I could think about is damn. How much money does she and her partner make to afford that, insurance, 2 kids, probably a mortgage and most likely a 2nd car of similar caliber. I also noted how bleached her teeth were the last time we met. Not only did it make me not want to open my mouth and talk or smile, it kind of weirded me out because they were so overbleached. People are strange.
I will never know life like that. And I don't actually want to, to that excess at least. It would feel wrong.

Things I'm into right now:

- The "Couples" set by AnomalousNYC on Flickr. Another favorite is "Saints of the Lower East Side". Or Faces of New York.

- "With No Direction Home: Homeless Youth on the road and in the streets" - Although published back in 2005, I just discovered this one. I've held a long time fascination with traveling kids (a.k.a. gutterpunks, oogles, trainhoppers) and it's been a love/hate feeling. For example, when I saw one of these guys standing, obligatory mutt next to him, flying a sign right across the street from a guy in a wheelchair who was also flying a sign and was there before him (at Lake x Hiawatha about a month ago) I was pretty annoyed. On the other hand, I do understand that some of the population is on the streets for valid reasons. I also know for a fact that some of them are there for the adventure - it's the adventurers that I get annoyed with - they are sucking up resources that should be going to others and when they panhandle, it feels as though they want us (the general public) to finance their fun. No one financed me during the many years I spent as a single parent - not even the government (I only qualified and used medical assistance until recently).
So anyway, my point is this: I am trying to look at the population without my judgements and dig further in and learn. But I'm not going to lie, they are there. When I was out this summer with friends who are or have been quite involved in the traveling kid/punk community and asked, because I was trying to understand, why there are so many and why they run around the country spanging, hopping from punk house to punk house and just kind of living a free but selfish (my opinion) lifestyle the main answer was this: It has been glamourized and therefore, like everything else, become the thing to do. It's trendy among kids high school through college. I agree. Someone I know pretty well told me stories of living on the street a few times because his dad and he didn't get along. There was no abuse, unless he omitted that, but he chose to live on the street with a bunch of kids rather than stick it out at home a few more years. It's hard for me to understand, actually wait, it's not. I understand the idea of sitting around all day with friends, drinking, exploring new places, traveling, meeting new people, doing projects, etc... but with that, I would know not to expect other people to toss me coins so I could do this.
I'm thinking that I may have felt differently had I been able to travel like these kids, unfortunately by the time I discovered that it was possible, I was already a mother. I had only known road trips by car prior to moving to Minneapolis. I was in this mind that right after high school, I couldn't afford college (most likely I could have gotten financial aid) and that my only option was to go to work full-time, I landed in the factories of my town and we took road trips any chance we got. The last one (we were gone a month) required that we give up our rental house and upon our return, we moved in with family. So, in that way, I suppose we did end up doing a similar thing - someone else was helping us finance our adventures... Hmm, I guess I'm not so different than the oogles after all.

- My bike playlist (for my ipod speaker gadget):
Some highlights:

1. Juicy - Notorious BIG
2. Save Me - M. Ward
3. Kids and Electric Feel - MGMT
4. Dead Moon Night and Killing Me - Dead Moon
5. What's up Fat Lip - Fat Lip
6. Broken record, unfinished song - Blotto
7. Freesong - Delightful Little Nothings from the 12 Bands from Benecia comp
8. Some Black Cobra song I can't remember the name of
9. Poison Ivy and Songs of Separation - Rymodee
10. Ghetto Superstar - ODB
11. The Beer - Kimya Dawson
12. Vampire - Antsy Pants
13. Fading All Away - Jay Reatard

All this being said, it desperately needs to be updated. I've been without itunes since July (?) and haven't been able to change out any songs... :(

C is for...

Catalogs!

Every once in a while I think back to a time when everything wasn't so easily accessble to everyone. With the internet, nothing is sacred.

I grew up in a rural town but still had access to some "culture" with our state capital, Lansing only 25 miles away and a just little further, East Lansing, a college town. E.L., as we called it, didn't offer a lot either. I would say that it doesn't live up to what the term "college town" normally evokes in people minds (i.e. lots of culture, activism, counterculture, art, etc...). My parents very rarely took us to either of these places anyway. When I got my first car at 18 though, I would drive there multiple times a week to comb the used CD/record shop, Tower Records and the clothing stores that offered types of clothes I could never find in my hometown.

But in the meantime, I was exposed to underground/counterculture through 2 main sources - Thrasher Magazine, where I first heard about zines in the early 90's & was led to punk bands I would have never found on my own at that time. The other was Sassy Magazine, again exposing me to zines, alternative and punk bands, left leaning views and the kind of fashion I would actually wear. Sadly, I sold my entire collection of Sassy to finance my move back to Minneapolis. I still have my collection of Thrasher but don't know what to do with it. I can't bear to just throw all of them away!

The joy of going to the mailbox and finding a new catalog is missed. Sitting there circling everything for a wish list you would give your parents but rarely receive... Knowing that if you got that one amazing thing, you would be the only one in your school if not county with that amazing thing.

Of course, catalog ordering sometimes backfired. In the late-90's we were in the throes of a Black Label habit - we could get cases of 40s at our local grocery for under 20 bucks. And cases of bottles that came in really sturdy cool flip top boxes. This was before we had ever dreamed of coming to Minneapolis and had no inking of the Black Label Bike Club (don't know if they were even an official bike club yet anyway). I ran across an ad for Black Label t-shirts, I immediately ordered 3 - 1 for me, 1 for C and 1 for our friend. They never came. Imagine the disappointment! Especially since we may even have been ahead of the curve with our BL t-shirts! They would be bonified "vintage" by now! Worn to threads throughout the years...

Or the time that I went through a brief hippie-like phase. I got this kind of deadhead catalog and did my circling and only this time - my mom did get me the desired items, some of them at least. When they arrived, they reeked of patchouli smell and weren't quite what I had expected. I used them but the desire and the reality didn't quite match up...

In those days, there were no options for ordering zines over the internet. I hold onto letters, schwag and personalized envelopes from old zine heros - Aaron Cometbus, Jane Hex, one of the guys who ran Wow Cool distro, Al Hoff, who knows who else. Again, I haven't been able to toss them, I think the nostagia from this time period is high. It was a period of discovery, of travel, of dreams that hadn't quite been squashed yet or still seemed possible to attempt anyway.

The punk community is still keeping the mail order life alive, just barely, but it's still happening. I kick myself when I page through my old Factsheet Five collection and note all of the great zines that I missed ordering and have most likely disappeared altogether save any that may have been donated to one of a selection of zine libraries throughout the world.

I long for those times of discovery and freshness. When life doesn't feel fresh and exciting anymore, it's just a drag.

Although my official full time gig at the shelter is done (I will now just be doing 2 overnights a month currently), I wanted to share a few more things.

The next time one of us or someone around you stereotypes homeless men, in particular, think about this:

- We have a man in shelter who was born without eyes, he makes his way around with his cane and intution. In addition, multiple guys at the shelter have stepped up to the plate and helped him get around downstairs as well as getting from one place to another once they need to leave for the day - guys with cars are using their gas to take J places. Another guy told me of a day that he walked him to the train station and walked him onto to the train to sit and ended up going for a ride after the doors closed and he was stuck. I see their discomfort on the mornings it is still dark out and very frosty, they are reluctant to send him on his way alone.
Clearly J can navigate alone and has gotten along up until now (I think he is in his late 20's) but these particular men feel empathy for him and want to be sure he is safe and taken care of.

- Another point - one of the guys recently landed a job in HVAC, the field he had received a degree in not so long ago. He was waiting for his first check but didn't have money to get gas to get out to the suburb to pick up his check. He was also worried about the rapidly leaking oil it was suddenly showing. He was trying to find help with a gas card and/or car repair. I gave him 5 dollars. For gas. What he actually did with it, I can't be sure. I do know that we, as helpers, aren't supposed to loan money, give gifts, etc.. but as a human, I wanted to help him have a chance to get his check and hopefully have the gas to keep getting to that job at the least. I know that I crossed a boundary and probably wouldn't do it again but what's done is done. This is someone that has been helping others in the shelter as well (see above) as he is one of few to actually own a car still.
As promised, he showed up with my money once he was able to retreive his paycheck. I didn't know whether he would but I had faith that he would come through. I also knew that I couldn't blame or feel angry if he didn't as I had set myself up for that.

My new job, at a rather large Domestic Violence service provider doesn't allow me direct service and is only a 6 month funded position. But I can't complain. I will be able to keep getting ahead, can actually give my daughter a decent Christmas for the 1st time in too long (she is getting a used drum set for one thing) and plan to get straight back to school in January. I wasn't able to carry out Americorps but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, I'm trying to consider that my time will come to get and stay at the job that fits me and that I fit (in all ways). After spending most of my adult life slumming it, I realized that I just couldn't continue to do it. My rent is too much, I can't afford to carry everyone on my paycheck when that paycheck is minimum wage (or less). I'm sad to leave the men's shelter, I really started liking being there. One man, new to be homeless, was my particular worry. He is the type of person that would be considered a bad fit at the downtown shelters - new to the street, not a fighter, kind of quiet. He would sit in the park (probably still does) after the shelter he stays at let them out at 7am and until our Job Room opened at 8:30am. From there, he would work hard all day, staying sometimes until close at 4:30 creating cover letters, sending out his resume, following up, etc.. He has attended all of our Job Club support groups and attends a homeless mental health support group. He is trying sooo hard to get back on his feet and I fear that the longer he is out and in shelter, the less motivation he will be able to muster. He let me know before I left that his shelter extended his stay there, thank goodness. I was worried that he was about to lose his bed as I had noticed that he was approaching 28 days, which then means that he would need to do the "lottery" and hope for a bed at the shelter of his choice. When I saw the form noting that he had begun coming into the Job Room on 9/15 and it was actually 10/8 or something, I realized just how hard he has been working towards finding a job. Most, okay, all of the other guys do a few applications then meander onto some other website then send out a resume then leave or end up chatting. Not this guy, I never once saw him surfing. I just hope he makes it out of the system soon...

I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about how many of our clients have moved here from elsewhere - namely the Chicago area. Apparently, the social services offerings out there are slim pickins. And the Greyhound, Megabus and Amtrak travels here from there daily and at a fairly cheap rate, definately cheap if you travel the Megabus (at $25 one way). I'm not sure what the job market is in the Chicago metro area but the guys show up and there just aren't enough jobs for all of them, especially for the fields they are seeking work in and considering the fact that a large portion of them have felonies in their backgrounds (even if it was over 7 years ago, it can still affect the job hunt).

I guess in some ways though, if you're not making it where you're at, moving might be the change you need.

Just something I've been thinking about.

I've been moving back to basics. Since I got the van this Spring, I've found myself feeling more detached from the greater city.

Lately, I've been riding the bus or walking places. It's important for me to be able to interact and to observe life more closely. It doesn't always bring me happiness (see previous post regarding women being exploited) but it brings me back to reality.

I like the event of walking to the gas station near work and looking over to see a former shelter guest building a fence for a couple in the neighborhood. I can stop and talk to him, share my M&Ms with him then continue back to work. Or walking to pick Ariana up from the busstop and coming across an amazing alley find - a picture window sized canvas (to paint). Originally we had walked by and saw a cute chair. And when I stop back around to pick it up with the van, I not only found the canvas, I discovered that the gentleman liberating himself of these items also plays basketball with the shelter. Small world.

Today and tomorrow I have the honor of attending the MN Coalition for the Homeless conference being held here in Minneapolis.

I chose to ride the bus downtown today.

On my walk home, down Bloomington Ave, South of Lake Street, I passed a group of 5 guys. They looked to be in their early 20's with a slight chance of them being late teens.
At the back of the group, one guy had a young girl (she was shorter than I and I am about 5'3"), leading her by the shoulders. I could have swore I heard her wimpering as I passed the group. I turned around after they had passed and watched. I continued to walk and watch. I walked forward for a second then turned again - I saw the girl run ahead then the guy that had been leading her by her shoulders run after her. It ALMOST looked playful but I had a bad feeling in my gut. I turned and walked another step or two then looked back a final time - by this time they were near the end of the block as was I on the opposite side. When I looked, the group had stopped and were looking at me.

I continued to walk home, angry, worried and scared for the girl. I called 911 and reported the situation.

This is the 2nd time I've witnessed something like this in a 5 block radius. Something is going on and I think we can figure out what. Both girls/women were either Latina or Native. Both men or groups of men were very much not or mixed. Both situations displayed a man with both hands on the girl's back, kind of gripping her shoulders in a threatening way but not too obvious for people choosing not to see or people who don't observe what is going on around them.

I will not continue to stand by and let this happen. I contacted a local outreach organization for girls and women involved in trafficking and prostitution earlier this summer to get some ideas of what I should do when I see this stuff. I will contact them again about these 2 incidents as they differed from the first (a woman on the corner, men in a van watching her every move).

I don't care if it's not "cool" to call the cops. If it can save a girl from being raped and trafficked, I will do it. And I plan to work with this agency and get some numbers to add to my phone and call when they might be able to do outreach.

Fuck!

I've had a couple of really inspirational conversations with a couple of our guys recently. It's awesome to talk to someone that acknowledges their past, has come to terms with it and is moving upward and wants to talk to others, to motivate, to relate and to share.

I've never had really good relations with men, it's good to just sit and have someone with so different of life experiences open up to me and just share.

The gentleman I talked for a while with today (we've also talked previously) shared his goals, his desire to reach for more, to talk to the younger kids and give them the straight up about how felonies fuck your life up for longer than your sentance - that it IS a big deal. And it's not worth it.

We also shared our observations, he as a shelter guest and me as a staff member, regarding how differently the guys act upstairs in the Job Room as compared to how they posture when they get downstairs around the whole group of guys staying in shelter (45 men). It kind of bums me out when I connect with someone upstairs then they kind of give me the cold shoulder down in the shelter but I'm learning and assuming that it's a small survival mechanism of some sort. To keep that tough front when there are others around...

PSA:
As someone that drives and rides, I would like to publicly denounce the usage of the basic single tiny LED bulb lights or anything similar to them as a "blinkie" - it's something like the Knog light although maybe these folks are using an off brand or something. They only provide enough blink for a mosquito to see the user, not a vehicle.

I was behind a girl who was riding on Franklin Ave at 8pm tonight. She had one on the front of her bag's strap facing forward and one on the top, supposed to be facing backward (which it was actually facing upright due to her posture on the bike). Point is, they don't project enough light. Her rear reflector is the only light I could see clearly. I only saw the lights because I was on a side street when she originally passed by, I then ended up behind her and saw nothing.

They are giving people a false sense of security and for that, they are dangerous. Just sayin'

A is for:

Assinine things I've said, Notable:

• When the state Quarters came out years ago, I stood there examining one, eventually asking my husband "Who's Ordie?" Turns out, the Quarter said "Live Free Or Die". Who knew?
• Shortly after beginning my VISTA job here at the shelter, a co-worker and I took a stroll through the park on the next block over. There are various sorts of activities and a diverse group that hang out there (read: sleep, congregate, deal or buy, use, play frisbee, read, walk their dogs, etc...). As we passed a visibly drunk man perched over his bike, he asked if we had some denomination of money, we said no. "Why not!, not even a Quarter?", he says. And I blurt out, while patting our pockets - "Nope, just our bodies..." What I meant is that we weren't carrying anything but ourselves - no money, no bags, no nothing. Jeesh.
• Yesterday, a man in the Job Room asked where Wyoming was. Although it seemed odd, I began noting that it was in the Northwest, near Montana. Oops, he was trying to find out where Wyoming, MN was. I forgot there even was one, I don't leave the city enough to keep track of random outlying cities and towns....

I'm sure there are more but that's all my tired brain can dig up right now.

Walked into the Job Room about an hour ago and burst out jokingly "Alright guys, partys over!" only to notice the man in the corner scrambling to close out of a pop-up ad with nekkid ladies all over it. I was just trying to wake these guys up, jeesh! Apparently I had good timing though.

A is for:

Annoying, Some things I find:

• When you are approaching a red light, assess the scene in front of you and note that the fellow at the head of the pack in the left lane appears to be going straight. Upon seeing that, you decide to stay put rather than zoom into the right, a.k.a. passing lane. But wait! The light turns green and what do I see? The blinker suddenly becomes engaged and now we wait. I call this phenomena "last minute blinker". If you are ever riding with me and I suddenly yell this out, that's what I'm referring to.
• When you hold the door open for someone, say coming into a store, and that person doesn't say thank you or any semblance of it. Some would say that I shouldn't care, that I should be doing it out of the kindness of my heart. I disagree, it's only polite to say thank you.
• Low and low-low rise pants - Hello?! Not everyone that wears pants is 14. Or a size 6 anymore. Our options have become limited - low rise jeans that show your butt crack every time you move or Mom Jeans. It's a no win situation.
• People who spell spayed (as in "My cat is spayed" like this: spad or spaded. And that goes for you too people who spell brakes (as in "My bike needs breaks!") like this: breaks. I'm sorry, I know that I've offended some with my need to see these very simple words used correctly, I don't mean to get all self-righteous. I'm just being honest...

I've only gone 178 commuting miles since June 1st.

I think I missed recording a few days in there but that's just small change anyway.

Things is wack today:

The date is 9/9/09

On my ride in I passed a group of cops and other emergency personnel (including the fire truck/EMS) hovered around a dumpster with their hands on their hips - I'm assuming there was someone found in it or around it either passed out or passed away. I could be assuming too much though - maybe some kids set it on fire this morning and they were just wrapping up.

A few minutes later I pass a school bus/truck accident - the kids appeared to be okay as they were just sitting around in the bus but the front end had damage.

My van brakes are still giving me grief - the disentigrated pads were replaced but in their place, we now have calipers that begin to grind on the rotors once they get hot then it produces a lovely sound and smell. Stupid vehicles = money pits.

The girlchild and I went to the mall Sunday. By the time we took off to go, I was tired (we were out late* at a birthday party the evening before), but she still wanted to go so off we went. It was busy, the annoying kind of busy where people stand mindlessly in the middle of isles rather than, say, move to the side and space out. We went to the bookstore, grabbed a bite to eat and cut out of there.
On the way to the parking ramp, we motioned to the 2 cars that had been waiting patiently for many minutes while streams of shoppers went across in the pedestrian area only to have a young generic blonde college/high school type try to race in after we motioned the cars on - she stopped only after noting that not only would she be running me down but also my cute 9 year old.
While in the mall, I noticed the trend of little girls trying to look like women and women trying to look like little girls. Sometimes I enjoy the people watching there and sometimes it makes me feel sad. This time, I just felt weird and wanted to get out of there. We saw many goths and mall punks. There was also a notable number of minority kids dressed in the ever popular urban looks: much like M.I.A. and the Japanese FRUITS styles. We approved.

This last night (I just got out at 7am and now am working my office job here also - I can't figure out if it's yesterday, today or tomorrow!?), I did my first overnight shift at the shelter. It was pretty uneventful although my staff partner and I were informed of a late night verbal scuffle revolving around a man's very loud snoring. Looking through the past log notes, it seems to be a pretty common but hard to remedy issue. After this month, I will be on my own for these shifts - I'm a little nervous but it will be good experience in being more assertive and independent in situations that intimidate me.... Working overnights will allow me my valuable "alone time" that I so need to maintain my sanity.

Off to do some number crunching, or at least some data entry of numbers, the computer will do the crunching part.
_____________________________
* late = 9:30pm on a Saturday night

The Different Kinds of People...

I recently watched a documentary about the youth sex trade in NYC called Very Young Girls. It follows the stories of girls that were lucky enough to be engaged with an organization called GEMS whose mission is to "empower young women 12 to 21, who have experienced commercial sexual exploitation and domestic trafficking to exit the commercial sex industry and develop their full potential.".

It's digusting to watch the pimps drive up to these girls and smooth talk them, act like they are going to be the girl's boyfriend then turn around and ask for a "favor" - thus is born an underage prostitute.

Sadly, some of the girls become hooked to the chaos of the lifestyle and aren't ready to leave for good, their stories are shared as well. Just like anything, it's not going to work until they are ready, until they hit their bottom and want to find something different for their lives.

As a parent of a pre-teen, being reminded (which I do to myself purposely) of these types of men that prowl for vulnerable girls makes me hyper-vigilant to raise my daughter to be street smart and to question and to be aware that this is a reality for some people - in doing these things, I hope that she can avoid becoming prey herself.

I highly recommend that every one, especially parents of young girls watch this movie. It can happen anywhere, whether rural, suburban or urban.

ASHES

For whatever illogical reason, ashes of cigarettes make me recoil in horror. I have a hard time brushing them off of tables and gag when I empty ashtrays.

At the same time, I could play in a bonfire's ash pit all day and not feel any symtoms of illness, anxiety or disgust.

Surely it's all in my head.

Apparently, I've missed putting this one out there:

Film showing at Intermedia Arts Theatre hosted by Cinema Revolution:
Tues. September 22, 7:30 PM: "Will Work For Food" a documentary by Tom Maertz.

I talked with a man this afternoon about the terrible feeling of it being Monday. Not because of the reason most people hate Monday (although this gentleman does work) but because Monday means dealing with the waiting. Waiting all day to find out if you will have a bed for the next 28 days. And if so, at which shelter. It's hoping that your name will be picked early so you have your choice of the 3 smaller shelters but knowing that if not, you have to find another option before the night is over. And that option might mean walking an hour up to the north end of downtown to the more sketchy shelters, the ones that pack over a hundred guys in a room mat to mat each night. Where people steal your belongings and deal drugs in the open air in front of the Minneapolis City Police officer posted to keep order where the 2 large shelters share the same block.

It's a feeling that I've luckly never had to experience but one that I can somewhat imagine. It must fill one's chest with pressure and anxiety. The waiting game must be a slow torture if you let it be, especially as the nights grow colder and the options become more limited.

I'm putting together a fun (at least I think it is) series inspired by a book called "An Encyclopdeia of an Ordinary Life" by Amy Krouse Rosenthal that I adore.

More to come...

Things going on in the upcoming month:

At the Bedlam Theatre:
September 4th - Full Moon Cabaret
September 9th - Prison Doula Benefit

At the West Bank Social Center:
September 10th - "Presentation & Discussions on Creatively Unbundling the Housing Crisis
Presentations and discussions on creatively unbundling the housing crisis.

In the exhibit “Unbundling the Housing Crisis,” at the Form + Content Gallery now through September 5th, 8 interdisciplinary groups of artists, designers, writers, scientists, and thinkers were asked to collaborate, research, create and present projects examining all aspects of the housing crisis.

At 7pm on September 10th at the West Bank Social Center, these 8 groups come together to present their projects, discuss their process, and share their creative approaches to understanding and unbundling the housing crisis.

Thursday, September 10th7:00pmWest Bank Social Center501 Cedar Ave S. Minneapolis (above the Nomad World Pub)$3-$5 Suggested Donation
With short presentations on:

• Mapping neighborhood financial flows in the Hawthorn neighborhood.
• The flora of of a condemned property at 3001 James Ave. N.
• A machine to interactively decipher the housing crisis.
• PPoD: A flexible housing system.
• Houses that work with their climate.
• From a pool of slime to a McMansion in only 3,700,000,000 years!
• Complexities of the urban fabric.
• A physical examination of 26 square blocks of North MinneapolisAnd a panel discussion led by “Unbundling the Housing Crisis” curator Jay H. Isenberg, AIA"
  

September 12th - TASK Party
"The artist also came prepared with an event idea: a Twin Cities installation of Oliver Herring’s TASK party project. TASK partygoers create tasks for one another to complete, ranging from directives like “build a cardboard racecar track” to “confess a secret to someone you don’t know” to “saran wrap yourself into a cocoon.”
Mark your calendars for the West Bank TASK party, Saturday, September 12. Expect a night of mischief and makin’ stuff. "

September 22nd - MNKINO Screening with a theme of "Tranparency"

General:

September 20th - Minneapolis Bike Tour

Spreading the word:

zAmya Theatre - A artistic collaboration between homeless and housed individuals to create theatrical productions.
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At Stevens Square Center for the Arts:
August 29th - 7pm to 10pm
"Featuring:CHAD AUGUSTIN SHAWN DALSEN BRYCE JACOBSON ERIC MATTHEIS MATT WELLS
ONE NIGHT ONLY Live music by:Samwell Rowan and The Vignettes

Short films and advocacy from St Stephens Human Rights Program
FREE

“You’re in the right place...” - Metro Transit
Metro Transit fare during rush hour in the Twin Cities is $2.25 for local trips. The paper transfer you receive as receipt of this transaction is valid for two-and-a-half hours after purchase, enabling you to ride any number of bus routes, as well as the Hiawatha Line’s light-rail service, meeting deadlines and new people along the way. Several years of commuting on the routes and rails can result in a lot of new acquaintances, and a lot of spent transfers. Five local artists have capitalized on all the rides that they have taken, and all of the refuse that was generated, in order to make something new, that will work for anyone's budget and imagination.
In keeping with the theme, the work in RUSH HOUR is priced at rush hour fare: $2.25 per transfer."

Within the past 2 weeks, I've been replying to rental ads on craigslist, about 4 out of 7 were scammers. These bastards are using other peoples ads and/or random photos then creating fake ads. One was really slick, had I been a kid out on my own for the first time, I probably would have fallen for it. Their property managment name was "homeyestates" and they wanted you to follow a link to fill out your credit information then bring it to them... They required no security or pet deposit and the rent was reasonable. If it weren't for the now obvious ID theft scam they were trying to pull, the rest looked legit.

Jerks.

Testing, testing...

I'm taking the plunge. Creeping slowly from livejournal to Blogger.

I feel like this a way to move from my past into my future. I will keep my lj archives but only as a documentation of history.

This year I have been very humbled by job hunting, helping homeless men attempt to find jobs in a cutthroat market and challenges working with other humans. I have less fight in me than I've had in the past, still stubborn but more willing to back down and shut up.

My family is back to our old routine of evening walks - smelling backyard fires, scaring neighborhood cats, spouting envy over cool houses that we can't afford and just shuffling along. It's what we do. Walk and talk and hope to find notable things or see something interesting. If only we could lose the TV, we would do this more often. And when I say my family, I mean myself, Ariana, her father and the big slobbery beast, Pepper.

Looking forward to fall. The mornings have been crisp and have given me an excuse to pull my sweaters out. Being ever the shy one, I like when I can huddle under my sweater and pull my sleeves down and hide.

We watched The Soloist last night. It was done well, I was impressed that they acknowledged the struggle of wanting to help and not forcing someone to accept help. And wanting to help but being afraid of becoming too enmeshed.