I can't figure out and understand what would make a cyclist veer out in front of a car that is within 1 to 2 car lengths to join the lane and ultimately get in front of said car,(Ex. to prepare for a left turn) without some sort of hand signal to indicate movement. Not only is it dangerous, it's arrogant behavior and most likely would piss most drivers off and rightfully so.

And with that, the same goes for cyclists who blatantly run stop signs in front of waiting cars without a stop themselves or even a pause or a nod. I run stop signs, I do. But if there are cars sitting there or approaching at the same time, I stop then proceed as it's my turn. If there is any way that we will advocate for equal rights and sharing the road - it is by being polite and following common sense when there are drivers around. Even more frustrating is when one cyclist stops at a stop sign and another barrels through and nearly takes out the person who has the right away - sort of like the jackasses who do the same thing at the 5th St. Greenway crossing. Bullshit.

Just had to vent - saw some dumb move this morning that reminded me of all of the above.

It's been a little wild over at Powderhorn lately. Bullfrogs mating. Ariana and I stumbled across a turtle laying eggs in a very open area, got a couple of pictures then left her in peace...until the next little kids came along. Last night, a man caught a goose and carried it over to impress his family - they all jumped away squealing. Funny.

34. In 2 months, I will turn 34. In some ways, I am surrendering to the idea of aging. I've now got an old lady-ish pannier for my bike - as I walked away from the counter at the Hub, the worker congratulated me on "not having a sweaty back anymore" which I laughed at because it's so true.

I can barely fit into any pants at H&M anymore and some of the other stuff would look like I'm trying too hard to look young. I find myself going to stores that offer more mature clothing that will accencuate my curves not make me look like an aging hipster. Never really wanted to look like a hipster either way...but especially not now. The last time I was at a basement show was 2 years or so ago but that's more because I needed to get my social anxiety driven drinking under control since it was getting the better of me at a time when I wasn't feeling very strong emotionally and now, I barely know any bands that have been coming and going. I'm sure I'm not missing much but the social interaction can be refreshing but I guess I've found it alienating as well since I'm not around often and cannot ever be due to parenting. It was always nervewracking, going out if not among close friends.

I've given up the idea that I will ever travel willy-nilly again but am looking forward to a new brand of travel, with my daughter next to me - both exploring new places for the first time. Once she's grown or near it, the world is mine as long as I have the money and the time off. I yearn to move about the states and the world but have to also settle for the reality that this scenerio probably isn't realistic. But that won't stop me from at least taking some time to explore.

I'm also more sure of what I want for my future - stability. In my career, financial and in my personal life. After many years of barely staying afloat, I never want to be in that position again and I will do whatever it takes to not be. I would love to experience the joy that people describe when having a baby with a partner who is excited and loving and takes part in every aspect - willingly and happily. I'm trying to get over the feeling that a part of my life with Ariana was robbed from me (and her) because I've always had to bust my ass to support us which then stole away from being able to be home with her or to go out and have more good times. I would have loved to have the opportunity to stay at home with her more often and go out and do fun things together. I also see and hear about men who would do anything to support their family and I am envious. Not sure what I've done to not find that but it sure would be a nice feeling to have that security sometime before I'm dead and gone. I struggle with frustration surrounding this one almost daily. Having someone to share dreams with and have them actually come to fruiation would be nice and comforting.

I suppose growing older calls for accepting a lot of things for what they are and moving on if we can't change them. Trying not to let bitterness and anger ruin the good things. I find that, as always, having a lot of alone time helps me feel more balanced.

In my quest to become more womanly, I've been scouting out some heels that are hott, functional, and don't make me look like a stripper. Not an easy task. I'm going more for the 50's chic.

Next up is to find a sassy bathing suit for our upcoming trip to Los Angeles - I'm thinking an old style one-piece that would also look cute with heels.

In other news, I have an appointment to get some blank space on my right arm filled in - my tattoos on my arms are kind of here and there and it's been bothering me so I've decided that I would rather fill in that space and be done. I'm getting a Spanish themed sleeve with Sugar Skulls as the focal point and things like roosters and who knows what else to compliment it. I'm way excited!!!

/ Interesting, historic article about Minneapolis in the 1920's The photos come from the Minnesota Historical Society which reminds me - I've been meaning to go there and the Hennepin History Musuem. Maybe this weekend...

/ I'm bewildered - My office for my day job is on a one way street that happens to head north and the street is situated one street off of one of the Greenway entrances. This produces a lot of bike traffic - since it's a one way, there seems to be a willy-nilly sense of where to ride. We get them on the sidewalk as well as both sides of the street. My natural inclination is to ride on the right. Particularily on this street as there are cars parked on the left.
There is no signage as to what is the proper protocol and I've been trying to decide what that would be. I think it would be valuable to post it as it causes problems when you get multiple cyclists and they are peppered on the left, on the right and up on the sidewalk. It can be kind of a mess when all the riders come to an intersection or cars are trying to safety navigate around them. I myself ran into this the other day as a cyclist - I was on the street, a man was on the sidewalk - we both met at the Chicago and 31st intersection at the same time. Luckily we were able to navigate and give enough space but if someone wasn't paying attention, a little collison could potentially happen.

It was a beautiful morning for a bike ride. I felt kind of bad passing the old dude on a rickety mountain bike that was clearly too small for him but had to do it. I greeted him as I passed in a guesture of solidarity and in an attempt to not seem like I was trying to barge by.

We finally had a chance to get to ourgarden, I got some of the weeds out and put rich soil around my plants. So far what I have in looks great despite having planted it early! I need to pick up tomato and pepper plants this week. It's basically a salsa and salad/guinea pig garden this year. I also have edamame and sugar snap peas for snacking. I am most exicted right now to harvest our garlic and onions!

Last night, the little lady and I took another evening walk - this time the toads were less active at the park but were still humming and toading around.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I am pissed off about my newest job. The on-call position at the GRH (Group Residential Housing facility for chronic alcholics).

For example, when we work an 8 hour shift - our lunch break consists of sitting in the lunchroom observing residents. We can eat, that's it. No books, no crossword, can't leave the room. On top of that, when ones shift starts at 4pm, that's when dinner is. You have the choice to go in for a 1/2 hour at 4 or 4:30. Period. Friday, I worked a 12 hour shift with no break. The bullshit that the guys deliver isn't worth the working conditions.

I'm going to work a couple more months, save up money for our trip to L.A. then I'm done. It's stressing me out too much and the experience is too negative in general.

Yay! 2 days off in a row!

Today, the child and I were able to get out on our bikes and ride together. Our friend's were having a b-day party for their 1 year old across town. M's parents were in town from L.A. so her mom and I talked about how things could be if I were to move there. Of course, at the end, I was forced to again recognize the biggest barrier, the rent prices out there. They all live right in Hollywood which I'm sure is higher still. Her husband works two jobs to support his family and has to drive an hour out to one of them. Struggle. I do enough of that here, don't know if it would be worth it in the long run.

Once we got home, we grabbed the dog and headed to Powderhorn Park - once there, we were pleasantly surprised at the toads who were dutifully singing in chorus - mating season. They were also very easy to catch due to their state, bonus!

Tired.

Working here at the "Wet House" is starting to make me weary of men just a little more. I'm sure I'm just tired but some of it is the verbal abuse and disrespect that some of these guys deliver. It's ridiculous. I suppose I knew when I signed up that it would be a challenge. There is also the man I discovered um, fooling around with himself as I sat at the desk - I was wearing a t-shirt and a sweater and pants that fit but not tight or suggestive so I'm not accepting any responsibility fo this one. Fuck. Actually, now that it's the next day (editing post), I'm not taking the person who berated me seriously either. He just snapped at nothing and felt it necessary to tell me that now he "knows he hates me". Fine, hate me. I don't give a heck. I'm there to pay bills and save money, nothing else. It's not the environment I would want to build my career in so at this point, leaving that job means little to me.

Tonight, I am just tired and the 12 hour shift on little sleep isn't helping. I also was working through frustration with A's dad the evening before and found out earlier today that A may be held back a grade, the only exception being if she continued in an academic support summer program. This may or may not happen as now they are filling up and I just found out today that the teacher is asking that.

I wish I hadn't taken this 3rd job for many reasons - A fell behind in her schoolwork with a lack of support from the person staying home with her, I was too tired when I was home, I fell behind in my own homework and did less than ideal in my courses and now I am starting to feel angry, weak, a lack of good sound judgement and just simply annoyed with the people I'm supposed to be helping. I'm just tired and the lack of rest is really taking a toll.

A good article about Cometbus and Aaron Elliot - probably only relevant if you know who and what that is.

BOOK REVIEW:

Border Crosser: One Gringo's Illicit Passage From Mexico into America by Johnny Rico

In my efforts to learn more about border politics and take in personal accounts of people who have crossed over the lines by means other than the offical entry points, I picked this one up recently. I wasn't sure what to expect but figured it could be interesting to hear a story of crossing as a white person who isn't crossing for survival or in search of a better life but is doing so to understand the trip and the difficulty and struggle.

The book didn't quite deliver what I was seeking. Johnny never did a true border crossing so the part of the story I was seeking never materialized. He did offer a generally funny narrative of his interactions with Minutemen and La Migra as well as locals in Nogales to note a few and the multiple times he wussed out on a plan to cross here or there was funny if not ironic - thousands of men, women and children do it each year but this one man couldn't muster up enough courage to complete a true "border jump"? Heck, I have a friend who came over from Guatemala with her mother as a 5 year old! She is now a citizen, for those who care, but it took her mother and her nearly 8 years to complete the process, and this was AFTER her mother married a U.S. citizen, I can see why some people just say fuck it and never bother.

I probably wouldn't pick it up again but I'll add it to my bookshelf for future reference if the need ever arises.

Alrightly then!

I was just telling someone, okay, my counselor, a week or two ago that sometimes I'm "so surrounded by dysfunction, I forget what it's like not to be..." and lo and behold that very thing popped to mind yesterday after a situation manifested and grew beyond my capabilities to put a stop to. My boss uttered a statement about mental illness that brought it back into perspective. I'm not sure why I am so dense about this stuff sometimes. Guess it's part of my own dysfunction that I need to keep in check and be very aware of.

Blarg.

Last Friday, I pulled into the shelter parking lot, returning from an outing to an art gallery with two clients.

I noted 3 guys sitting up against the garage door - one of which was signed up for the outing. As I walked up to chat, I heckled him for missing out. I was familiar with 2 of the 3. The guy I hadn't met, reached his hand up to me. I could tell he was pretty intoxicated and soon noted the tallboy of Steel Reserve sitting between his feet. I kneeled down and took his hand, he pleaded with me to help his wife and family. I asked where they were - he told me that they were staying at a nearby shelter. All I could do was reassure him that the staff over there would do whatever they could to help them. I hope that he trusts in that and feels that they are in a safe space.

I soon found myself gathering up a blanket for him as he had stated to me that he planned to sleep outside that night. It turned out that we were able to give him a bed and once that happened, he curled up and went to sleep for the rest of the night. In doing this, I did bend the rules but he seemed distraught and wasn't being obnoxious or overtly intoxicated so that the other guests knew. I've grown to be stringent on the rule to be able to enforce our policy to be a sober shelter and to be consistant with that rule (A lot of guests struggle to stay on the right path (for them, at the time) and stay sober and a slip-up could be a set back).

It's crazy how much comes out when someone has been drinking, I've seen more men crying in the last 6 months than I have in my lifetime. Even when they put on the tough guy front, the emotions spill out at some point, I suppose.