In the "who needs food when you've got coffee" file:
I've scored a long coveted This American Life mug! Something one can only obtain through public radio pledge/membership drives... Some soul left it behind in our lonely basement staff kitchen. One man's trash is another man's treasure!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
I rode in for the first time since starting my new job. It's a quick jaunt down 31st Street - I made it a lot faster than I had expected. I still haven't located a bike rack here around the building, seems odd but I suppose they aren't required. We're directly across the street from the cop shop though so I feel pretty okay about parking on the corner pole.
I literally haven't rode since maybe late August, MAYBE early September. I just wasn't in the mood. I hated my old route to St. Stephen's and my bars were annoying me. I am pretty sure that I am going back to drop bars soon. The cruiser bars are okay, but I feel kind of vulnerable riding busy streets with them. I am sitting up and can't go as fast. Maybe I am just perceiving it that way but it does feel less efficient.
I literally haven't rode since maybe late August, MAYBE early September. I just wasn't in the mood. I hated my old route to St. Stephen's and my bars were annoying me. I am pretty sure that I am going back to drop bars soon. The cruiser bars are okay, but I feel kind of vulnerable riding busy streets with them. I am sitting up and can't go as fast. Maybe I am just perceiving it that way but it does feel less efficient.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
- I'm on a kick to cut down on my cussing. Don't really have anyone to impress but I suppose it isn't very becoming. Besides, I've caught myself doing it a few times while joking around with the guys at the shelter. Probably not ideal.
- I've been really disappointed with the lack of All Ages shows here in the last year or so. One of the reasons I chose to raise my daughter here was because there was the opportunity to enjoy great bands live, for all ages. That being said, I have missed lots of shows that were AA so I guess I can't be too outraged. Notably, your band H. We really do want to see you but can't seem to get motivated on the nights you have done AA shows.
- Edited to remove personal stuff - I forgot that I wasn't going to go on too deeply here...
- The good thing about feeling isolated when you live in a small town or the country is that you kind of actually are. The bad thing about feeling it when you live in the city is that is just reminds you that you have no friends/no one likes hanging out with you/whatever else this means. At least in the country/small town you can blame it on the culture of the area.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
This Friday, I was filling in at the reception desk for the administrative office of my new gig. I happend to be looking outside as one of the people I directly report to pulled in for the day. She was driving a shiny brand new looking Mercedes SUV thing. All I could think about is damn. How much money does she and her partner make to afford that, insurance, 2 kids, probably a mortgage and most likely a 2nd car of similar caliber. I also noted how bleached her teeth were the last time we met. Not only did it make me not want to open my mouth and talk or smile, it kind of weirded me out because they were so overbleached. People are strange.
I will never know life like that. And I don't actually want to, to that excess at least. It would feel wrong.
I will never know life like that. And I don't actually want to, to that excess at least. It would feel wrong.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Things I'm into right now:
- The "Couples" set by AnomalousNYC on Flickr. Another favorite is "Saints of the Lower East Side". Or Faces of New York.
- "With No Direction Home: Homeless Youth on the road and in the streets" - Although published back in 2005, I just discovered this one. I've held a long time fascination with traveling kids (a.k.a. gutterpunks, oogles, trainhoppers) and it's been a love/hate feeling. For example, when I saw one of these guys standing, obligatory mutt next to him, flying a sign right across the street from a guy in a wheelchair who was also flying a sign and was there before him (at Lake x Hiawatha about a month ago) I was pretty annoyed. On the other hand, I do understand that some of the population is on the streets for valid reasons. I also know for a fact that some of them are there for the adventure - it's the adventurers that I get annoyed with - they are sucking up resources that should be going to others and when they panhandle, it feels as though they want us (the general public) to finance their fun. No one financed me during the many years I spent as a single parent - not even the government (I only qualified and used medical assistance until recently).
So anyway, my point is this: I am trying to look at the population without my judgements and dig further in and learn. But I'm not going to lie, they are there. When I was out this summer with friends who are or have been quite involved in the traveling kid/punk community and asked, because I was trying to understand, why there are so many and why they run around the country spanging, hopping from punk house to punk house and just kind of living a free but selfish (my opinion) lifestyle the main answer was this: It has been glamourized and therefore, like everything else, become the thing to do. It's trendy among kids high school through college. I agree. Someone I know pretty well told me stories of living on the street a few times because his dad and he didn't get along. There was no abuse, unless he omitted that, but he chose to live on the street with a bunch of kids rather than stick it out at home a few more years. It's hard for me to understand, actually wait, it's not. I understand the idea of sitting around all day with friends, drinking, exploring new places, traveling, meeting new people, doing projects, etc... but with that, I would know not to expect other people to toss me coins so I could do this.
I'm thinking that I may have felt differently had I been able to travel like these kids, unfortunately by the time I discovered that it was possible, I was already a mother. I had only known road trips by car prior to moving to Minneapolis. I was in this mind that right after high school, I couldn't afford college (most likely I could have gotten financial aid) and that my only option was to go to work full-time, I landed in the factories of my town and we took road trips any chance we got. The last one (we were gone a month) required that we give up our rental house and upon our return, we moved in with family. So, in that way, I suppose we did end up doing a similar thing - someone else was helping us finance our adventures... Hmm, I guess I'm not so different than the oogles after all.
- My bike playlist (for my ipod speaker gadget):
Some highlights:
- The "Couples" set by AnomalousNYC on Flickr. Another favorite is "Saints of the Lower East Side". Or Faces of New York.
- "With No Direction Home: Homeless Youth on the road and in the streets" - Although published back in 2005, I just discovered this one. I've held a long time fascination with traveling kids (a.k.a. gutterpunks, oogles, trainhoppers) and it's been a love/hate feeling. For example, when I saw one of these guys standing, obligatory mutt next to him, flying a sign right across the street from a guy in a wheelchair who was also flying a sign and was there before him (at Lake x Hiawatha about a month ago) I was pretty annoyed. On the other hand, I do understand that some of the population is on the streets for valid reasons. I also know for a fact that some of them are there for the adventure - it's the adventurers that I get annoyed with - they are sucking up resources that should be going to others and when they panhandle, it feels as though they want us (the general public) to finance their fun. No one financed me during the many years I spent as a single parent - not even the government (I only qualified and used medical assistance until recently).
So anyway, my point is this: I am trying to look at the population without my judgements and dig further in and learn. But I'm not going to lie, they are there. When I was out this summer with friends who are or have been quite involved in the traveling kid/punk community and asked, because I was trying to understand, why there are so many and why they run around the country spanging, hopping from punk house to punk house and just kind of living a free but selfish (my opinion) lifestyle the main answer was this: It has been glamourized and therefore, like everything else, become the thing to do. It's trendy among kids high school through college. I agree. Someone I know pretty well told me stories of living on the street a few times because his dad and he didn't get along. There was no abuse, unless he omitted that, but he chose to live on the street with a bunch of kids rather than stick it out at home a few more years. It's hard for me to understand, actually wait, it's not. I understand the idea of sitting around all day with friends, drinking, exploring new places, traveling, meeting new people, doing projects, etc... but with that, I would know not to expect other people to toss me coins so I could do this.
I'm thinking that I may have felt differently had I been able to travel like these kids, unfortunately by the time I discovered that it was possible, I was already a mother. I had only known road trips by car prior to moving to Minneapolis. I was in this mind that right after high school, I couldn't afford college (most likely I could have gotten financial aid) and that my only option was to go to work full-time, I landed in the factories of my town and we took road trips any chance we got. The last one (we were gone a month) required that we give up our rental house and upon our return, we moved in with family. So, in that way, I suppose we did end up doing a similar thing - someone else was helping us finance our adventures... Hmm, I guess I'm not so different than the oogles after all.
- My bike playlist (for my ipod speaker gadget):
Some highlights:
- Juicy - Notorious BIG
- Save Me - M. Ward
- Kids and Electric Feel - MGMT
- Dead Moon Night and Killing Me - Dead Moon
- What's up Fat Lip - Fat Lip
- Broken record, unfinished song - Blotto
- Freesong - Delightful Little Nothings from the 12 Bands from Benecia comp
- Some Black Cobra song I can't remember the name of
- Poison Ivy and Songs of Separation - Rymodee
- Ghetto Superstar - ODB
- The Beer - Kimya Dawson
- Vampire - Antsy Pants
- Fading All Away - Jay Reatard
All this being said, it desperately needs to be updated. I've been without itunes since July (?) and haven't been able to change out any songs... :(
C is for...
Catalogs!
Every once in a while I think back to a time when everything wasn't so easily accessble to everyone. With the internet, nothing is sacred.
I grew up in a rural town but still had access to some "culture" with our state capital, Lansing only 25 miles away and a just little further, East Lansing, a college town. E.L., as we called it, didn't offer a lot either. I would say that it doesn't live up to what the term "college town" normally evokes in people minds (i.e. lots of culture, activism, counterculture, art, etc...). My parents very rarely took us to either of these places anyway. When I got my first car at 18 though, I would drive there multiple times a week to comb the used CD/record shop, Tower Records and the clothing stores that offered types of clothes I could never find in my hometown.
But in the meantime, I was exposed to underground/counterculture through 2 main sources - Thrasher Magazine, where I first heard about zines in the early 90's & was led to punk bands I would have never found on my own at that time. The other was Sassy Magazine, again exposing me to zines, alternative and punk bands, left leaning views and the kind of fashion I would actually wear. Sadly, I sold my entire collection of Sassy to finance my move back to Minneapolis. I still have my collection of Thrasher but don't know what to do with it. I can't bear to just throw all of them away!
The joy of going to the mailbox and finding a new catalog is missed. Sitting there circling everything for a wish list you would give your parents but rarely receive... Knowing that if you got that one amazing thing, you would be the only one in your school if not county with that amazing thing.
Of course, catalog ordering sometimes backfired. In the late-90's we were in the throes of a Black Label habit - we could get cases of 40s at our local grocery for under 20 bucks. And cases of bottles that came in really sturdy cool flip top boxes. This was before we had ever dreamed of coming to Minneapolis and had no inking of the Black Label Bike Club (don't know if they were even an official bike club yet anyway). I ran across an ad for Black Label t-shirts, I immediately ordered 3 - 1 for me, 1 for C and 1 for our friend. They never came. Imagine the disappointment! Especially since we may even have been ahead of the curve with our BL t-shirts! They would be bonified "vintage" by now! Worn to threads throughout the years...
Or the time that I went through a brief hippie-like phase. I got this kind of deadhead catalog and did my circling and only this time - my mom did get me the desired items, some of them at least. When they arrived, they reeked of patchouli smell and weren't quite what I had expected. I used them but the desire and the reality didn't quite match up...
In those days, there were no options for ordering zines over the internet. I hold onto letters, schwag and personalized envelopes from old zine heros - Aaron Cometbus, Jane Hex, one of the guys who ran Wow Cool distro, Al Hoff, who knows who else. Again, I haven't been able to toss them, I think the nostagia from this time period is high. It was a period of discovery, of travel, of dreams that hadn't quite been squashed yet or still seemed possible to attempt anyway.
The punk community is still keeping the mail order life alive, just barely, but it's still happening. I kick myself when I page through my old Factsheet Five collection and note all of the great zines that I missed ordering and have most likely disappeared altogether save any that may have been donated to one of a selection of zine libraries throughout the world.
I long for those times of discovery and freshness. When life doesn't feel fresh and exciting anymore, it's just a drag.
Catalogs!
Every once in a while I think back to a time when everything wasn't so easily accessble to everyone. With the internet, nothing is sacred.
I grew up in a rural town but still had access to some "culture" with our state capital, Lansing only 25 miles away and a just little further, East Lansing, a college town. E.L., as we called it, didn't offer a lot either. I would say that it doesn't live up to what the term "college town" normally evokes in people minds (i.e. lots of culture, activism, counterculture, art, etc...). My parents very rarely took us to either of these places anyway. When I got my first car at 18 though, I would drive there multiple times a week to comb the used CD/record shop, Tower Records and the clothing stores that offered types of clothes I could never find in my hometown.
But in the meantime, I was exposed to underground/counterculture through 2 main sources - Thrasher Magazine, where I first heard about zines in the early 90's & was led to punk bands I would have never found on my own at that time. The other was Sassy Magazine, again exposing me to zines, alternative and punk bands, left leaning views and the kind of fashion I would actually wear. Sadly, I sold my entire collection of Sassy to finance my move back to Minneapolis. I still have my collection of Thrasher but don't know what to do with it. I can't bear to just throw all of them away!
The joy of going to the mailbox and finding a new catalog is missed. Sitting there circling everything for a wish list you would give your parents but rarely receive... Knowing that if you got that one amazing thing, you would be the only one in your school if not county with that amazing thing.
Of course, catalog ordering sometimes backfired. In the late-90's we were in the throes of a Black Label habit - we could get cases of 40s at our local grocery for under 20 bucks. And cases of bottles that came in really sturdy cool flip top boxes. This was before we had ever dreamed of coming to Minneapolis and had no inking of the Black Label Bike Club (don't know if they were even an official bike club yet anyway). I ran across an ad for Black Label t-shirts, I immediately ordered 3 - 1 for me, 1 for C and 1 for our friend. They never came. Imagine the disappointment! Especially since we may even have been ahead of the curve with our BL t-shirts! They would be bonified "vintage" by now! Worn to threads throughout the years...
Or the time that I went through a brief hippie-like phase. I got this kind of deadhead catalog and did my circling and only this time - my mom did get me the desired items, some of them at least. When they arrived, they reeked of patchouli smell and weren't quite what I had expected. I used them but the desire and the reality didn't quite match up...
In those days, there were no options for ordering zines over the internet. I hold onto letters, schwag and personalized envelopes from old zine heros - Aaron Cometbus, Jane Hex, one of the guys who ran Wow Cool distro, Al Hoff, who knows who else. Again, I haven't been able to toss them, I think the nostagia from this time period is high. It was a period of discovery, of travel, of dreams that hadn't quite been squashed yet or still seemed possible to attempt anyway.
The punk community is still keeping the mail order life alive, just barely, but it's still happening. I kick myself when I page through my old Factsheet Five collection and note all of the great zines that I missed ordering and have most likely disappeared altogether save any that may have been donated to one of a selection of zine libraries throughout the world.
I long for those times of discovery and freshness. When life doesn't feel fresh and exciting anymore, it's just a drag.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Although my official full time gig at the shelter is done (I will now just be doing 2 overnights a month currently), I wanted to share a few more things.
The next time one of us or someone around you stereotypes homeless men, in particular, think about this:
- We have a man in shelter who was born without eyes, he makes his way around with his cane and intution. In addition, multiple guys at the shelter have stepped up to the plate and helped him get around downstairs as well as getting from one place to another once they need to leave for the day - guys with cars are using their gas to take J places. Another guy told me of a day that he walked him to the train station and walked him onto to the train to sit and ended up going for a ride after the doors closed and he was stuck. I see their discomfort on the mornings it is still dark out and very frosty, they are reluctant to send him on his way alone.
Clearly J can navigate alone and has gotten along up until now (I think he is in his late 20's) but these particular men feel empathy for him and want to be sure he is safe and taken care of.
- Another point - one of the guys recently landed a job in HVAC, the field he had received a degree in not so long ago. He was waiting for his first check but didn't have money to get gas to get out to the suburb to pick up his check. He was also worried about the rapidly leaking oil it was suddenly showing. He was trying to find help with a gas card and/or car repair. I gave him 5 dollars. For gas. What he actually did with it, I can't be sure. I do know that we, as helpers, aren't supposed to loan money, give gifts, etc.. but as a human, I wanted to help him have a chance to get his check and hopefully have the gas to keep getting to that job at the least. I know that I crossed a boundary and probably wouldn't do it again but what's done is done. This is someone that has been helping others in the shelter as well (see above) as he is one of few to actually own a car still.
As promised, he showed up with my money once he was able to retreive his paycheck. I didn't know whether he would but I had faith that he would come through. I also knew that I couldn't blame or feel angry if he didn't as I had set myself up for that.
My new job, at a rather large Domestic Violence service provider doesn't allow me direct service and is only a 6 month funded position. But I can't complain. I will be able to keep getting ahead, can actually give my daughter a decent Christmas for the 1st time in too long (she is getting a used drum set for one thing) and plan to get straight back to school in January. I wasn't able to carry out Americorps but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, I'm trying to consider that my time will come to get and stay at the job that fits me and that I fit (in all ways). After spending most of my adult life slumming it, I realized that I just couldn't continue to do it. My rent is too much, I can't afford to carry everyone on my paycheck when that paycheck is minimum wage (or less). I'm sad to leave the men's shelter, I really started liking being there. One man, new to be homeless, was my particular worry. He is the type of person that would be considered a bad fit at the downtown shelters - new to the street, not a fighter, kind of quiet. He would sit in the park (probably still does) after the shelter he stays at let them out at 7am and until our Job Room opened at 8:30am. From there, he would work hard all day, staying sometimes until close at 4:30 creating cover letters, sending out his resume, following up, etc.. He has attended all of our Job Club support groups and attends a homeless mental health support group. He is trying sooo hard to get back on his feet and I fear that the longer he is out and in shelter, the less motivation he will be able to muster. He let me know before I left that his shelter extended his stay there, thank goodness. I was worried that he was about to lose his bed as I had noticed that he was approaching 28 days, which then means that he would need to do the "lottery" and hope for a bed at the shelter of his choice. When I saw the form noting that he had begun coming into the Job Room on 9/15 and it was actually 10/8 or something, I realized just how hard he has been working towards finding a job. Most, okay, all of the other guys do a few applications then meander onto some other website then send out a resume then leave or end up chatting. Not this guy, I never once saw him surfing. I just hope he makes it out of the system soon...
The next time one of us or someone around you stereotypes homeless men, in particular, think about this:
- We have a man in shelter who was born without eyes, he makes his way around with his cane and intution. In addition, multiple guys at the shelter have stepped up to the plate and helped him get around downstairs as well as getting from one place to another once they need to leave for the day - guys with cars are using their gas to take J places. Another guy told me of a day that he walked him to the train station and walked him onto to the train to sit and ended up going for a ride after the doors closed and he was stuck. I see their discomfort on the mornings it is still dark out and very frosty, they are reluctant to send him on his way alone.
Clearly J can navigate alone and has gotten along up until now (I think he is in his late 20's) but these particular men feel empathy for him and want to be sure he is safe and taken care of.
- Another point - one of the guys recently landed a job in HVAC, the field he had received a degree in not so long ago. He was waiting for his first check but didn't have money to get gas to get out to the suburb to pick up his check. He was also worried about the rapidly leaking oil it was suddenly showing. He was trying to find help with a gas card and/or car repair. I gave him 5 dollars. For gas. What he actually did with it, I can't be sure. I do know that we, as helpers, aren't supposed to loan money, give gifts, etc.. but as a human, I wanted to help him have a chance to get his check and hopefully have the gas to keep getting to that job at the least. I know that I crossed a boundary and probably wouldn't do it again but what's done is done. This is someone that has been helping others in the shelter as well (see above) as he is one of few to actually own a car still.
As promised, he showed up with my money once he was able to retreive his paycheck. I didn't know whether he would but I had faith that he would come through. I also knew that I couldn't blame or feel angry if he didn't as I had set myself up for that.
My new job, at a rather large Domestic Violence service provider doesn't allow me direct service and is only a 6 month funded position. But I can't complain. I will be able to keep getting ahead, can actually give my daughter a decent Christmas for the 1st time in too long (she is getting a used drum set for one thing) and plan to get straight back to school in January. I wasn't able to carry out Americorps but I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, I'm trying to consider that my time will come to get and stay at the job that fits me and that I fit (in all ways). After spending most of my adult life slumming it, I realized that I just couldn't continue to do it. My rent is too much, I can't afford to carry everyone on my paycheck when that paycheck is minimum wage (or less). I'm sad to leave the men's shelter, I really started liking being there. One man, new to be homeless, was my particular worry. He is the type of person that would be considered a bad fit at the downtown shelters - new to the street, not a fighter, kind of quiet. He would sit in the park (probably still does) after the shelter he stays at let them out at 7am and until our Job Room opened at 8:30am. From there, he would work hard all day, staying sometimes until close at 4:30 creating cover letters, sending out his resume, following up, etc.. He has attended all of our Job Club support groups and attends a homeless mental health support group. He is trying sooo hard to get back on his feet and I fear that the longer he is out and in shelter, the less motivation he will be able to muster. He let me know before I left that his shelter extended his stay there, thank goodness. I was worried that he was about to lose his bed as I had noticed that he was approaching 28 days, which then means that he would need to do the "lottery" and hope for a bed at the shelter of his choice. When I saw the form noting that he had begun coming into the Job Room on 9/15 and it was actually 10/8 or something, I realized just how hard he has been working towards finding a job. Most, okay, all of the other guys do a few applications then meander onto some other website then send out a resume then leave or end up chatting. Not this guy, I never once saw him surfing. I just hope he makes it out of the system soon...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about how many of our clients have moved here from elsewhere - namely the Chicago area. Apparently, the social services offerings out there are slim pickins. And the Greyhound, Megabus and Amtrak travels here from there daily and at a fairly cheap rate, definately cheap if you travel the Megabus (at $25 one way). I'm not sure what the job market is in the Chicago metro area but the guys show up and there just aren't enough jobs for all of them, especially for the fields they are seeking work in and considering the fact that a large portion of them have felonies in their backgrounds (even if it was over 7 years ago, it can still affect the job hunt).
I guess in some ways though, if you're not making it where you're at, moving might be the change you need.
Just something I've been thinking about.
I guess in some ways though, if you're not making it where you're at, moving might be the change you need.
Just something I've been thinking about.
Friday, October 2, 2009
I've been moving back to basics. Since I got the van this Spring, I've found myself feeling more detached from the greater city.
Lately, I've been riding the bus or walking places. It's important for me to be able to interact and to observe life more closely. It doesn't always bring me happiness (see previous post regarding women being exploited) but it brings me back to reality.
I like the event of walking to the gas station near work and looking over to see a former shelter guest building a fence for a couple in the neighborhood. I can stop and talk to him, share my M&Ms with him then continue back to work. Or walking to pick Ariana up from the busstop and coming across an amazing alley find - a picture window sized canvas (to paint). Originally we had walked by and saw a cute chair. And when I stop back around to pick it up with the van, I not only found the canvas, I discovered that the gentleman liberating himself of these items also plays basketball with the shelter. Small world.
Lately, I've been riding the bus or walking places. It's important for me to be able to interact and to observe life more closely. It doesn't always bring me happiness (see previous post regarding women being exploited) but it brings me back to reality.
I like the event of walking to the gas station near work and looking over to see a former shelter guest building a fence for a couple in the neighborhood. I can stop and talk to him, share my M&Ms with him then continue back to work. Or walking to pick Ariana up from the busstop and coming across an amazing alley find - a picture window sized canvas (to paint). Originally we had walked by and saw a cute chair. And when I stop back around to pick it up with the van, I not only found the canvas, I discovered that the gentleman liberating himself of these items also plays basketball with the shelter. Small world.
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