Some podcasts I've been listening to the past few days:

The life of Rene Enriquez, an ex-leader of the Mexican Mafia speaks of his transitions from active gang member to someone that has defected while still in prison.

This is the story of a man who was deported back to El Salvador after living in the states since he was 5. He was sent back because of his involvement in crime here in the U.S. His story is striking to me, his stories of assimilating into his El Salvadorian culture as an American raised citizen. Even though his choices led him to his present day prediciment, I can feel for him and what he now faces.

After the Projects - This covers what happened in Chicago when they shut down the Ida B. Wells housing projects and moved families into scattered site housing throughout the Chicago Metro area. Interesting.

I recently found 2Pac's Greatest Hits cassette for 98 cents at Half Price Books (my van has a cassette player still). It's in heavy rotation despite the short playlist.

One of my favorite passages in a song:

"sit down and conversate like you know me, take my hand
Cause even Thugs get lonely, understand
Even the hardest of my homies need attention
Catch you blowin up the telephone, reminiscin
I wanna take you to the movies, empty park
Let's find a spot for you to do me, in the dark
Now that it's passion, hold me tight
Don't need lights, I can see you by the moonlight
I know your man ain't lovin you right
You're lonely under pressure need a Thug in your life"

Something about using the word Thug in a love song style makes me smile.

Spurred by my continued mid-winter obsession with needing fruits and vegetables, I made Chicken with Green Sauce from scratch, bought a pepper in each color (orange, yellow, red and a sweet green type) and 3 containers of strawberries. I am determined to cut out some of the junk we've been eating since winter took hold - for many reasons: to gain more vitamins and energy, to reduce caloric intake, to reduce high salt and sugar in our diet.

Since my effieciency at multi-tasking while cooking is not ideal - there were some tense moments during the whole operation. That being said, I have gotten over some of my cooking anxiety (some of which was heightened at one point in the previous years when I dated the brother of a professional cook, I was afraid to cook anything around either of them and turns out, due to being broke as a joke due to job loss, it didn't come up. The one time it did, I wasn't allowed the chance to make my dish so I guess I lucked out) and have tried some new recipes this past 6 months. I want to cook and be good at it. Ariana had been a huge help and inspiration as well since she loves to help out with cooking and prepping.

I also looovvvveeee window shopping for pretty casserole dishes and kitchen gadgets but need to cultivate the skills to cook well to go along with them.

Tally from work last night:

3 = Number of visitors I had to ask to leave/walk out because they have been drinking prior to stopping in

0 = Number of those same men who actually currently had a bed with us

4 = Number of times I had to walk one of those men back out after he had snuck back in!

6 = Number of times (approximately) that I was told "I love you"

2 = Number of men who told me that

1 = Number of men who started crying after saying "I love you" over and over as I was escorting him out...AWKWARD!

1 = Number of kisses on the hand that accompanied the statement (someone is in trouble for sneaking THAT one)

1 = Number of times I was told in Spanish that I was racist (for asking a drunk man to leave)

10 = Number of minutes (approximately) I stood there not knowing what I was being told until someone else translated it to me, so THAT'S why he looked angry

30 = Number of minutes spent daydreaming about Punta Mango Beach in El Salvador after sitting and talking with a young man from there for a bit - we google the area, where he used to go surfing, BEAUTIFUL!

Seeing these hand printed towels reminded me of an pictoral/article I recently read about a place in the California desert called Slab City. Apparently it's been there for years (upon closer look) but it was featured in the newest issue of The Sun. Check it out and buy some great towels while you're at it.

I've discovered that going up a pant size has compromised my fashion ideals. I can now be seen wearing items I wouldn't have chosen in the past but have been forced to wear.

The thrift stores are hit or miss. And the few stores I choose to shop at don't have a comfortable fitting pant for me. I partially blame the popularity of the low-low rise pant - I think I can confidently say that most women couldn't fit into these. There isn't enough pant at the top to fit anyone older than 22 unless they are one of those uniquely small people. Most skinny jeans, which I actually do like, have this waist and obviously it is a barrier. I'm in a weird place where size 10 is pushing it or sometimes impossible and the next size up is often falling off of me by the end of the day.

I'm switching to skirts and dresses!

This highly unimportant post was brought to you today by "The Big Booty Association of America".

Some fun DIY foodie workshops coming up through the Minnesota Historical Society:

March 13th, 2010 - DIY!: Cheese
Cheese in Minnesota is about more than just deep fried curds! James Norton, author of "The Master Cheesemakers of Wisconsin" and editor of "The Heavy Table," discusses Midwestern cheese varieties, and some of the best makers out there.
Jeff Jirik of Faribault Dairy leads a hands-on demo and offers samples of some of their best work.

and

April 3rd, 2010 - DIY!: Meat
As long as there's ice on Minnesota's great lakes, there will be ice fishing.
Learn more about this wintry tradition with Greg Breining, author of "A Hard Water World: Ice Fishing and Why We Do It," and enjoy a demo on prepping a whole fish to eat with chef Dawn Drouillard.
Fish not your favorite? Mike Phillips of Craftsman shows us how to make sausage!

Beautiful day - I just walked across the street to the corner store to get some sweet and salty snacks. People were smiling, holding the door and ushering hi's. But as I exited, I was asked for change by a man I had noted standing near the door as I approached on my way in.

I was faced with that split second response - "Sorry, I don' t have any change." Which wasn't true and honestly, I don't even know why I said that. But more complicating, since I work with homeless men now, it is technically a conflict of interest to give someone change, at least if that someone is a client of my workplace. I looked this man in the eyes as I walked away blubbering a dumb white lie about not having any change to assist him in his goal of making .85 cents and I assessed whether or not he was familiar. He wasn't. I debated as I took each step farther from him and almost turned back but didn't. I don't know what stopped me. I had the money. I think the complication of him coming to the shelter and remembering me (unlikely that he would remember me) was part of it. The other part was that I didn't want to take the time to dig out 1 dollar and have him see the other 4 I had in my pocket then the sinking feeling of guilt that accompanies THAT. Then I feel like I should give more. My problem, not his.

And why do I even assume that he was homeless. He could be housed and just broke, broke, broke.

The perils of being human.

Somehow I only made a little over $10,000 last year. My tax return will be a little over half of what I made. Some of this was the result of working as a Work Study employee at the college. Americorps was another low paying gig. I've probably made most of that total in the past 4 months at my current day job.

I knew money was tight this past year but I didn't realize it was to that degree. I just attributed some of that to my rent being higher than it's been in the past (while paying it alone anyway).

Question of the week: Are men more racist or just more apt to voice their opinions?

I'm finding myself always surrounded by so many racist comments, my head feels like it's going to explode!

It's in my face on facebook, at the shelter, at home, in the Star Tribune comments section, everywhere!

And the very fact that the people voicing their opinions assume that everyone else agrees or at the very least wants to hear it just annoys me.

I personally feel ENRICHED by meeting people from other countries. I LIKE foods from other cultures. I don't feel like my job is threatened by immigrants - legal or illegal, the closest I've felt to that is when a manager told me that I was passed over for the job because I wasn't bi-lingul. I was bummed but life went on and last week I saw another posting for a job I would love but can't apply for because of the same reason. Sure I'm bummed but it's reality. I'm not blaming anyone but myself since I haven't learned a 2nd language beyond the basics.

Just sayin.